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Fortinbras, October 2007, page two

The ghost of Polonius (Charles Merlis) may not want to talk to Fortinbras, but he speaks to the audience, bemoaning that Death is not the "great adventure" he hoped it would be. Fortinbras (Stephen Grout) catches Polonius speaking.  He prevails upon the ghost to give him some advice.  Polonius relents and warns Fortinbras to tell the truth, before it's too late.
Osric (Steve Wandzy), in jail for being the "Polish spy," stops Horatio (Brian Rucci) from trying to spirit him out of the castle.  It seems Osric has never been out of the castle and fears the outside world more than death. The queen's chamber is full of ghosts.  Hamlet (Joshua Guenter), still trapped in the glowing box, demands that Gertrude (Jane Maulucci) writhe in agony while Claudius (Joseph Arsenault) lets Laertes (Christopher Berrien) stab him repeatedly.
The racket brings a disgusted Ophelia (Brianna Stronk) who silences Hamlet with a weird device she found in the cellar.  She allows Hamlet to resume their odd little ritual.
This frees Hamlet from the box and Gertrude, Claudius, and Laertes welcome him back.  Reluctantly at first, then passionately, so does Ophelia. Horatio reads a dispatch to the increasingly distressed Fortinbras.  For reasons he cannot follow, he now commands an army of half-a-dozen nations that is continuing to conquer Europe.  He resolves to take steps to correct the situation, including freeing Osric, and recalling his army.
Hamlet and Ophelia have a tender reunion.  Alas, Hamlet insists that the truth of his story be told, even if Ophelia comes across "as an idiot" in the true version.  When Fortinbras walks in on them, she kisses Fortinbras and Hamlet storms out. Fortinbras, however, has resolved also to give up Ophelia and marry one of the Polish maidens.  It doesn't matter which one.
Fortinbras discovers Gertrude and Claudius leading the maidens (Mary Roberge, Michelle Kinsella) in prayer.  Before being kicked out, the ghosts tell Fortinbras there's something he should know. That something is that the maidens, who only speak Polish, have been taught some obscene phrases by the palace guards.  Fortinbras decides to marry one of them anyway, with the other being a witness.  (You vant me to vatch?)
Hamlet strolls in and immediately commands the maidens' attention.  Fortinbras angrily orders the maidens to wait in his chambers. The ghost of Osric, along with a shocked Horatio, view Osric's freshly-hanged body.  The Captain had mis-interpreted the kings orders to end Osric's suffering.  Osric is quite stoic about his new status, but Horatio is irate and goes off in search of the king.
Fortinbras is annoyed that Claudius and Gertrude are interrupting his wedding consummation.  They once again plead to be un-buried, but Fortinbras refuses.  They use their ghost-powers to scare away the maidens. Fortinbras screams at the ghosts to leave and attempts to block them out.  Instead, more of them arrive to plead their case.  Failing to persuade him, they sadly bid him goodbye.
Horatio bursts in and attacks Fortinbras.  He is determined that someone will pay for Osric's death "at the appropriate time."
The ghost of Horatio reads a dispatch to the ghost of Fortinbras (and all the other ghosts).  Fortinbras' army, after conquering most of Europe and Asia Minor, have drowned themselves.  After dumping the castle trappings in the moat, the ghosts leave Fortinbras and Hamlet alone.  They opine that the real story may come out, in time.
With the invisible ghosts watching in the background, Barnardo (Dana T. Ring), Marcellus (Allen Nott), and the maidens start to read, and are engrossed by, the story of Hamlet, by Shake- somebody.

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